Introduction?

Hi there!

Happy New Month, thank you for stopping by. Allow me to…introduce myself. If this were to be some presentation or a tell us about yourself introduction, my heart would be pounding loudly in my chest and I’d be drenched in a pool of my sweat. But it isn’t, well, it is in a sort of way but nobody can see me so no pounding hearts and sweating.

I haven’t really been the kind of person to introduce myself to someone or a group of persons, it’s mostly my friends who do it, when I’m with them, or that person asking me questions which I’d be answering, other than that, I’m as mute as a mouse.

Well, I can’t be mute here when nobody is seeing me so I can say (write what I want) and not be an anxious mess. Thank God for social media, it’s been the best and the worse thing to happen to mankind but we can talk about that some other day, today, we’re going to talk about me.

I’m from Nigeria, living there but hoping to travel the world someday. I have problems socializing with people. Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I begin to overthink…

“Am I being weird?” “Do I look ugly?” “What if I bite my tongue when I speak?” “Would they like me if they get to see how quiet I am and have no social life whatsoever?”

And then I make it worse when I open mouth and speak. All my first interactions with any one is mostly about the person telling me to calm down or take it easy when I talk because I talk so fast just to get done with the interaction and go back to my room or wherever it is I don’t get to talk to anybody.

And of course, just like most quiet people, I’ve been labeled a snub, a slow poison, a dead person, someone who doesn’t like to have fun and so and so forth. Not going to lie, these labels used to make me sad when I was in secondary school, I tried to fit in sometimes; tried to be outgoing and be lively like other people around me were but it got too much for me to handle at some point and I just couldn’t do it.

I graduated secondary school and thought “Okay then, we’re going to try this again in the university” “It’s going to be like starting over” “We’d be different people and we’d fit in and everyone would like us”

I’m in university now and did I do any of that? No

But did I get to meet awesome people who love me the way I am? Yes!

Will I try to fit in again? Shudders thinking about it*. No

I’ve been on WordPress for five years now. I used to blog in the early days when I’d joined. Back then, it was just mostly rants about my life in secondary school and being an edgy teenager who was tired of living. Graduating secondary school, I deleted all of my posts feeling stupid and exposed, then started writing again around 2017.

I got anxious again and deleted the blog address this time because people were actually reading these stories, my stories and they actually followed me? Lol, it was too much for me to handle and being the introvert that I am, I deleted everything.

Now, I’m starting up a blog again, it’s been nearly two years since the last time. In the space of these two years, I’ve learned a lot of things. I’ve become confident in the type of person I am and I’m struggling every day to love myself.

Before I started up this blog again, I had a breakdown. I was too scared to do it; I was so anxious and doubtful. I asked myself, “why did I have to do it anyway?” ” I could just keep on living the sad, boring life I have and die whenever grim reaper is ready for me.”

But this strong voice in my head told me I shouldn’t be living my whole life scared all the time, why don’t I try doing something new, just for a change? That I could try something new and still be me and that’s when I realized…that I was only distressed because I was scared that I’d lose myself if I did it; that I may want to try to fit in again.

I could try something new and still be me…

So, I created a new blog again and tadaa! Here I am. I hope I don’t fret and back out again as I begin this new journey. I’m hoping to make friends on here and with anyone who’d care to visit my blog anytime.

I haven’t exactly thought about what kind of stories or posts I’d be sharing but I guess that’s what life is all about, we go through it figuring things out, especially when we don’t know what we’re doing. This is part of my growth process and I feel like this blog is going to help me immensely through it.

Thank you for reading 🙂